The Bar, thoughts around alcohol and it's vices

The weight is dropping, again, since not drinking lately.
I look better when I'm thinner and don't drink, who doesn't?

Got drunk again yesterday and once again made a big fool of myself over the phone and through texting.

Right now I feel like retreating into the world of drunkenness.
It just feels safer to me right now than thinking about all the stuff I'm not strong enough or motivated enough to do.

I was doing well, a week ago, but all it takes is one or two days of hard drinking, to fall back into that habit.
For some reason, I feel scared right now, like doom in impending, and that there's nothing I can do about it.
When sober, I don't always feel that way....but after a heavy session of drinking, I sometimes do.
I have responsibilities now, to myself...I need to kick this habit, sooner rather than later.

Right now, at this moment, is when I'd normally feel justified in having a drink

I'm emotionally primed to drink right now, here's why.

1. Haven't drank all week, so feeling way better than I did last week at this time.
2. Just got back from visiting some relatives, one, my niece, didn't even know we were related. It was fun, they're in like the 5th grade, and I gave them some money.
3. I'm at the pinnical of the or my week and I feel good.

This is normally when I'd drink, for sure, to cap off my emotions and take them to yet another level, that's just what I'm used to doing, I'm used to zoning out right about now by drinking...but again, it's been a week, I feel better than I have in a long while, so why would I ruin it?

I don't know, it's what drinkers do, we hi-jack our own swell moments by convincing ourselves that a few drinks won't hurt...but it never stops at one or two beers, to a drinker, that's absurd, and 1-2 beers turns into 4, than 6, than 8, if still awake..

So what will I do?
I don't know, I never like to pressure myself by saying what I'm going to or not going to do until moment or situation done...time will tell, and so will I, when this day is over.

Maybe I'll have some beer, maybe I won't, we shall see....and that's being realistic folks.

Here's what I'm noticing



Here's what I notice since not drinking nearly as much...I think I had one bad beer day like not this past Sunday, but the Sunday before that.
And prior to that bad Sunday, I'd gone like 6 days without a drink.

So one day I've drank in about 14 days, not bad...but here's what I notice about my body.

1. My urine is yellow again.

2. The soarness in my knees is starting to subside.

3. I'm, of course, losing weight.

4. My face looks or is starting to look better, less bloated and greasy, and or wet.

And those are the main things.

I think beer drinking was starting to break down my body, overload stuff.

But at the same time I must come to the realization that I am getting older, and that some 'stuff', is just natural wear and tear and age.

I'm not 19 or 23 anymore, even though in my mind I often feel that way.

When you realize the amount of beer, booze, that has to filter through our little organs, it's amazing our organs hold up as good as they do.

Or like drug addicts who totally work their organs to the max, and how their body still, some how, some way, keeps them alive...poor organs.

Our organs are smart, we're the dumb ones, well, some of us.

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But ye, as of now I'm still dry, but that doesn't mean anything until I can stay dry for a month...we shall see.