|
|
Post by Jupiter on Aug 27, 2022 0:09:39 GMT
if ever, in a while, I felt like having a drink, a few beers, after getting in from work, this would be the evening, oh how I feel like escaping today through a beer or two, or three or four.
But that's how it begins...
I stopped drinking during work cycles months ago, cause I was gaining the upper hand on fitness, but now, now...I don't know.
Wanna know what made me not drink a beer this evening?
It's when I looked in the mirror, and looked good, thin and fit to self (all things considered)
And looking that way, seeing myself look 'good' to self, even after work, gave me something to fight for.
My weight is down and everything, so why would I want to blow it by getting back in the habit of drinking every day when off, and then drinking on the days where I work, as in when I come in from work...I did that for years.
If wasn't working than I needed to be drinking, but somehow still managed to stay in better shape than most, even those who didn't drink.
Cause maybe my drinking wasn't as heavy as some, but more than others.
Also, it's probably cause i had a blue collar job that kept me in shape, it was like a 8 hour workout at my job, chaining chassis and all and other misc stuff.
All I know, is this evening, emotionally I just felt like I needed a hug, and getting drunk, drinking, would of given me that hug.
Most people have no idea what it's like to be alone all of the time, to come home to no one, to not have anyone to comfort you when you feel devistated.
I mean when there's no one emotionally there for you, sure, why not drink? That way can forget you're alone, and or when drunk, you really don't care by then.
Well, at least for this evening, I think I'll remain dry....did drink some water and herbal tea though.
.................................
As good and fit as I am, it just amazes me that I'm alone, when I see others who are physically way uglier than I, who are paired.
I think people are so afraid of being alone, they'll pair with anyone these days.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jupiter on Aug 27, 2022 0:12:03 GMT
I do know this, a few months ago when at the height of me alcohol rebellion, when hadn't had a drink in months, I do know this, over all I felt better, happier, more confident, and even when came home from work, I rebounded quicker.
And that's the scary thing though, is cause when start feeling super again, that's when tell self, 'Oh, I can handle a few drinks'...and then the spiral begins.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jupiter on Aug 27, 2022 0:13:55 GMT
It's hard convincing myself I don't need alcohol anymore, especially when alone, cause when alone you do need something, if not something than someone or people, but can't just force people to take an interest in you.
I've been trying to do that my whole adult life, and just seems I'm always out of place or sync with my social environment.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jupiter on Sept 5, 2022 11:51:44 GMT
I'm at my heaviest weight in months, by like 2.5 lbs...so what.
Heck, I even walked yesterday at rec park...but I guess the walking couldn't over come the beer, and whatever else I ate to make me gain weight.
Oh well.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jupiter on Sept 6, 2022 16:02:06 GMT
Hard for me to seperate my health from drinking.
I'm in decent health, physical health, but sometimes drinking, or the after effects of drinking, does effect my mental health and moral.
Today, first thing I did was go to park and exercise...cool...I feel decent, especially for my age.
But usually by 4-5, I desire a new 'kick', which comes in the form of alcohol, a beer, than 2, then 3 and so forth, and that's where my issues begin.
I think I drink out of loneliness, cause I notice when I'm around others, I don't like to drink, but when alone, yes, I do, as if drinking makes up for me not having good friends to confide in.
Either way, I push on, sometimes not even sure why I'm still here, but I still push on until one day I can't anymore.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jupiter on Sept 9, 2022 3:48:41 GMT
I got drunk the other night, and made a fool out of myself.
Nothing worse than being drunk and lonely at the same time...you end up talking to scoundrols and or end up embarrassing yourself emailing, acting all immature and all.
Oh the foolish things I do sometimes when drunk...but what I hate most is when I boast.
Boasting about stuff you cannot back up is evil, for sure.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jupiter on Sept 25, 2022 21:27:30 GMT
I really express some stupid immature stuff when drunk, or even text stupid stuff when drunk.
Being drunk makes me to rudely honest at times.
I'm too old to still be getting drunk.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jupiter on Sept 28, 2022 2:20:03 GMT
I really let myself go these last 4 days, drinking, not exercising, what's wrong with me??
I was making such good progress a few weeks ago, a month ago.
My health is all I have, I need to wise up, big time.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jupiter on Oct 24, 2022 2:23:54 GMT
Can't believe it's been so long since I posted here last, boy does time really seem to fly lately
Well it really got worse for a while, my behavior while drunk, as such I'm on a dry stint again...and this time I need it to last.
Drinking just tears your body down, among other things, lowers you immune system, since your gut is where your immune system is.
And if always drinking, than it weakens your gut immune system community or organ cells, I guess.
I just know I got carried away...but if not for the body aches, I'd probably be drinking right now, to be honest.
But the discomfort is to much when at work, so for my own health sake, sanity sake, I'm going dry again.
And I only drink when alone, I'm not a social drinker, I'd be to embarrassed for anyone I knew or was trying to meet, to see me drunk.
And if around another, I wouldn't be lonely, so why would I want to drink?
I only drink out of loneliness, others are good social drinkers, I'm not, at least not anymore.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jupiter on Nov 25, 2022 20:49:54 GMT
Caved in and had some beer yesterday, and paid for it today, I felt dead on the inside today, and yet so high and vibrant yesterday night while drinking.
Today I feel like my soul literally got ripped from inside of me.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jupiter on Jan 18, 2023 19:26:49 GMT
I stayed up late last night, and into the early morning, drinking beer and on social media, ugg.
just glad I didn't have to work today.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jupiter on Jan 29, 2023 5:04:35 GMT
In the mood to go 'dry' again, at least for a while  I'm in the mood to go dry again, at least for a while. Today, the long drive I took while at work, just changed me, or could be something else, could be a lot of things. But I know sometimes 3 long days of work, long hours driving alone, can change your mood compared to how you feel before returning to work. I do know I'm taking some new vitamins, and have been exercising while at work, during non activity periods... (just rambling to self) I just know I feel like I'm in neutral...or emotionally stalled at the moment. I could of drank tonight, but chose not to, probably cause I want high/low, range of emotions without booze getting me there. I don't know, again, I feel odd on the inside right now...as if paused.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jupiter on Feb 9, 2023 1:52:49 GMT
 I drank yesterday, and once again, acted weird on the phone and in emails to someone. Drinking while lonely just doesn't mix very well.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jupiter on Feb 17, 2023 16:56:29 GMT
Should I drink today, and thus get a fake sense of happiness, joy and optimism?
Or should I just whether out my current mood?
Right now I feel agitated by everything and everyone, I feel small, and that I'll never be able to overcome my own shortcomings, which mean I'll never be able to rise above the current environment I'm living in, or this community.
|
|
|
|
Post by Jupiter on Apr 3, 2023 5:45:11 GMT
I hit an emotionally or physiologically, alcohol low today.
Usually when that happens, I stop drinking for a week or longer afterwards.
The only person physically hurting me right now, is me, do to drinking.
And I don't even really drink that much compared to others, but still, as we age, body just can't take booze like it could years ago.
|
|
