The Bar, thoughts around alcohol and it's vices

How has not drinking changed me?

1. I'm actually a better conversationalist now, like I use to be, in that when talking to people in person, my confidence is sky high, like it use to be, in a way, maybe higher now since older and more mature*

2. I have more prolonged energy throughout the day, but in the mornings still feel a bit groggy, just not a early morning person.

3. I work out more

4. Am I happier? That's hard to say, sure I've stopped drinking, for now, but my moral isn't really any better, and life can still be a pain.

5. I've lost weight, and today at my lowest weight in probably over a decade, except for one other time that I had the flu years ago.



6. I eat far less, but that's not totally due to not drinking, me eating less has to do with trying to figure out some health stuff about my body.

I really can't think of anything else, has not drinking effected my creativity?
Yes and no.
Being drunk tended to bring out more extreme sides of self, well maybe not extreme, but different sides of self, a more wider range of self.
That self is still there, but doesn't come out as easily when not drinking.

If I could go back 10 years, let's say 12 years, I'd of put down the beer/bottle, way back then and would more than likely be in a better all around position today.

I would of made far better decisions, I would of gotten out more, made things happen, instead of giving self excuses to sit at home.

Drinking did give me some good times though, that I probably would not have had or created if not drunk.

Now that sober and no longer drinking I may try to start dating again



I haven't dated in years, and in some communities I think that may even be a outdated term now.

I gave in yesterday and had some beers and small pint sized liquor yesterday evening.

And as usual, when in that state, ended up calling people who never ever call me.

That means they're not my friends, or family, if only I call them, and I know that, but when drunk I get bold and cocky and confrontational and so don't care.

When drunk, I call, cause it's what I need to do to keep self 'OK', and that is communicate, even if communicating with the devil or devils.

Seems my mood was way more predictable when I drank

Well maybe not way more predictable.

Just saying though, now that stopped drinking for over a month, other than maybe 2 times, my moods are harder to predict from day to day, week to week.

Drinking beer, getting drunk and while drunk, I felt more motivated to do stuff than I do now that sober.

But there may be side issues that are affecting my general enthusiasm and moods, may be some side health issues I'm dealing with.

Or maybe parasites that are inside of me causing inflammation at times, and disrupting my sleep.

I don't know, our bodies are always under attack from many things, viruses, germs, bacteria, parasites, pollutants and more.

I just know when poor, and have to work for a living, life doesn't get easier as you age.

Why was I able to stay relatively healthy and physically unscathed during my heavy drinking period?

Just some guesses and stabs

1. Cause even though drank, I still usually managed to workout and try to keep fit in one level or another

2. My diet, even though I drank, my diet was relatively free from heavy red meat and sugar and heavy salt

3. divine luck?

4. Genetics?

5. Most of my drinking occurred at home?

I'm just not sure, none of the above, all of the above, some of the above?

I just know, or it feels, with all the drinking I did, my life should be worse than it is, not that it's prime, cause it's not, but with all the drinking I've done over last decade, you'd think there'd be some perminant marker of effect.

The biggest marker of effect in my life probably is do to poor decisions I've made in the past do to drinking.
Decisions as in not taking this or that job, being to alcohol lazy to follow through on some appointment or event.

And other ill gotten decisions....cause when in heavy 'must get drunk' phase, you deprioritize lots of stuff in your life, and only focus on 'the event', which means getting drunk.

You rush home from work so you can get drunk.

You turn down invites, so you can go home and get drunk.

And so forth, so I'm sure if not so preoccupied with getting drunk over the past decade, I'm sure I hurt my prosperity somewhere along the way.

Is it to late?

I don't know, that depends on fate, that depends on fate sending me that opportunity again, and giving me the chance to get it right this time, we shall see.

Continued from above..⬆️⬆️⬆️

What has really curved my desire to drink right now is looking at self in the mirror, and I really do look better, younger, more fit, than I did when I did drink.
Sure, I know no one is here to see how good I think I look to self, but I see it, and I like it, and do I want to jepordize it?

And it's not that drinking once can reverse months of pretty much not drinking, the danger is the excuse for why I'd be drinking, in other words associating the feeling of despair or just feeling overwhelmed with the need to drink.

Cause what happens is the frequency begins to increase.
First it's once every 2 weeks, then once a week, then every other day, then every non working day, that's how it usually evolves.

I don't know what I'm going to do, and not going to pressure self.

I mean of all people who would need a drink it would be me, so utterly alone, during the good and the bad, most people would crack just being alone for 2-3 days let alone 5 years, 6 years, ect.

No holiday dinner, no gifts, no birth day cards, nothing, as if not here, most would crack.

So me just having a few drinks to ease my nerves from time to time, that's pretty good constraint actually.

So I shouldn't be to hard on myself.

After all, if I were to go to the liquor store right now, the majority of people buying alchol aren't even alone, they're socially drinking, they're married, dating, whatever, and still need to drink.

So ye, I think all things considered, I'm not doing bad at all.