Lifes Journal

Weird feeling day for me.
I went out last night to a LGBTQ club...I didn't drink or anything, at least not there...I just sat in the back and observed the performance and people there.

This LGBTQ club is ran very tightly, no foul play or anything, and mainly clean orderly younger white patrons.

I went to that same place years ago, and it was packed full of black folks, younger black folks...not anymore...but a lot changed after covid.

I'm sure the black folks have their own gay club they prefer going to.
Also, most of the people there aren't really gay, it's hard to explain, rather like me, they just time to time like to go to a club where there's no pressure to be anything other than yourself.

And usually at gay clubs, there's no urban testosterone types, who like to fight and carry guns.

Hetero women tend to bring out the worst in younger men.

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Anyways, it's raining outside, reminents of that hurricane.
I did drink last night, but at home, so it's why today's felt odd to me.
I'm in good enough shape, again and now, that drinking doesn't knock me out like it usually does.
But, I can never fall back into drinking daily or it's lights out for me and whatever progress I'm trying to make as of late.

I doubt things will ever work out for me, i'll always just be that $5.00 scratch off lottery winner...never a large enough amount to change anything in my life.

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I did workout earlier today...that's one thing I do now, is workout daily, do to my proximity to the street.
My new place is ground level, I just open the door and am outside, which incentivises me to want to work out daily.
Where as before I was upstairs and hidden away, and that was excuse enough to not always want to workout.

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I wish today wouldn't end....I like today and wish It would just last forever...I have no use for tomorrow.

And social media, what's that anymore?

Only a few people allowed to get views on anything anymore...algorithms have really destroyed social media experience for the common people, back when we all got a ton of views just do to random searches that happened naturally.

But leave it to 'Man', to always F up a good thing.

Sometimes I just want to punch a social media destroying silicon valley person in the face.

Phone and tablet is off, and I don't even want to check my email.
Nothing good for me will be on any of it.

Something is telling me to withdraw from social media all together, that is sites I'm not in control of, like FB, YT ect.

It's just that like FB and google are so intertwangled in other sites, that to access some services, seems you have to have a google or FB account.

I've got like 6 gmail accounts, and each has videos, and a email assigned...do I really need all those?

And heck, my vids barely get views now...but if I counceled them, there's be a lot of blank spots on posts where I posted videos that would no longer be there.

I'm realizing that not everyone from your past is good for you.

I mean if my life didn't blossom with those in my past in it, what makes me thinking dragging them, including them in on new stuff in my life would make anything different?

They were dead weight to me back then and will be dead weight to me now and in the future, so why bother.
Sure, we all want to matter to others, but mattering to some, or trying to, is futile.
Cause many from the past bring the same stink with them into the present and future, like dead sour weight.
A grave you drag around with you.
Just let them stay in the graveyard of your past.
After all, they tried to bury you, so why not do the same to them by moving on.