Lifes Journal

And unlike other forums, participation is not needed.

This is a blog, in forum form and all the personalities that come with it.

Life is like a stream, either you're in the main current of life or you're in the back wash of life



Life is like a stream, seems you're either in the main current of life, events, and things that are happening, or you're stuck in a back current or back wash, where nothing occurs, where the current just goes around in circles.

I feel that way at times and observe it to be true.

Talent and looks have nothing to do with where you get in life, if not positioned in the right place or places for talent and looks to be appreciated.

You can be better looking than a Hollywood star, better musician than any current band out there, but if not current, it just doesn't matter.

Unless in that current, you'll virtually get ignored.

That current could be any of the following, or some or all.

1. College/School, where your work is daily recognized by peers, teachers, faculty.
And where you have the funding, equipment, supplies to make your mark, for without equipment, lab, supplies (which all cost 1000's of dollars) most just can't fund projects on their own, and aren't given a platform in which to share ideas and talent.
The school/college/university environment gives you all of that.

2. Being around people who appreciate talent.

You can have all the talent in the world, but if around people who are dull and bland, they'll never promote you, never see potential in you.

These types are like mud, the only thing you really do is sink around them, you sink, and they never ever try to pull you out of the much, in fact seem happy to see you sink, get no where and fade in life.

Many of them have small expectations for their own lives, and therefore don't expect you to be anything other than an occasional servant to their needs.

3. Community.

Certain communities are just more geared towards talent, like Vegas or Atlantic city or Hollywood ect.
Or if into innovative engineering than Silicon Valley of California, or the Boston area, or if into Country Music, Nashville.

Point is it's important to be in an area that will appreciate whatever particular gift you have.

If you're in the middle of Nebraska with dreams of being an opera star, it's probably just not going to happen.



You have to be around people with the same type of energy you have in order to be recognized and promoted.

If not aligned right with any of the above 3, or more, than soon enthusiasm begins to wane as you age and get bogged down with day to day work, bills, and health issues.

And soon all you'll be able to do is turn on TV, get online, and watch as others excel at what you use to be good at.

There's nothing worse than a Star that never got a chance to be a Star.

There's something down right evil about that.

As if being purposefully hidden by certain forces, the way Cinderella was by wicked stepmother who kept her locked up in the cellar.



The Stepmother just seems to represent dark forces in ones environment that just keep them shut away from the world until they rot away into nothing.

Went out last night, and now I wish I hadn't.

People aren't really any nicer at bars/clubs.

Most still stick to their groups, clicks, ideology, and prejudices.

Alcohol is the only thing that seems to have the ability to loosen that, that and or pure Love.

Like alcohol, Love tends to bring down walls.

Not the walls of others, rather when one is full of love, their own walls tend to come down.

Things are nothing the way I thought they'd be

Things are just not the way I thought they'd be once older, once an adult.

Years ago, I just would of imagined a far more prosperous life, not just fiscally by socially as well.

Instead it's like I live the anti-normal life instead.

I always just assumed I'd have friends, like at least 12 at any given time to hang out with, or who would call you, like in high school...oh how I so took those times for granted.

And being a minority raised in Eastern WA, a very much predominantly 'white' area, just makes it all the more harder to adjust where I'm at now.



I come from this area, Wheatfield's, tundra, gravel roads, dirt roads, apple trees growing wild on edge of farmers field or peoples yards.

There are no ghettos or hoods where I come from, where I was raised.

There is no, was no, permanent underclass, no criminal class.

It was prestine and clean for the most part, people are people, but where I was raised you just kept your issues inside the home.

I grew up here as a minority amongst whites, I had known most since Kindergarden, 1st grade and so forth.

I thought that was just normal, I thought that was the world, until I started to age, until I moved far far away to the South East.

And have since been exposed to permanent under class, ghetto class, single mother class, criminal class, imprisoned class.

The worst thing about it for me, other blacks, minorities like myself, is that once you leave where you were raised, you're forever lumped into these other people that are as foreign to you in behavior class and taste as they would be to some Farmers son raised in Idaho.

But because people consider you 'black' (a generic classification) then you're expected to mingle, get a long with, a class of people you have no values in common with.

As such you become alienated quick.

The hood class doesn't understand you, your style, way of thinking, and other people, whites, Asians, ect, they automatically cut you out of their social settings and thing you're just another dumb you know what.

So again, you're just cut out of all sides, alienated.

The people you would of hung around back home, you no longer can anymore, cause although may look similar, they, the ones down here, do to how they were raised, where they were raised, totally don't recognize you.

It's a bad situation to be in socially, especially when single.

If married, had own family, doubt it would matter at all, but when single, you feel it.

The women you think you're attracted to, aren't allowed to talk to you, and the women you're suppose to be attracted to have a totally different mindset, and sub culture and style that either turns you off or they're equally as baffled by you.

All blacks, people of color, are not the same, and it's hard for 'whites' or anyone from the outside to not understand this.

They all want to lump hood types in with College educated types, or just educated broad types in general.

It's a cruel vortex to be caught in, and I know there are others out there like myself....raised on Jazz, fusion jazz, classic rock, pop, old soul ect...then come to urban areas where all the urban blacks only listen to rap rap and more rap, no culture at all, no art, nothing.

Like living around the living dead, a culture based on crime and profanity and low self esteem, and so they only relate to you in the same way, and think you're as mentally/spiritually limited as they are.

Not sure what the solution is.

I should of never moved away from home.

Experiencing the same rejection Jimmie Hendrix did when he left Seattle for the South East, and eventually had to go over to Europe before making it big, where at least back then, people had a better appreciation for diversity.

But now, today, with mass commercialization of everything, images, there's really no place to run and hide anymore, do to social media, 24 hour news, no matter where you go as a person of color, you'll be more stereotyped today, than 40 years ago, and sadly you'll be stereotyped in a bad way and lumped in with the hood criminal class.

It can be quit saddening at times.

Thugs and goons just make it hard for middle class blacks, people of color, who just want to blend in with rest of society.

Cause you're constantly compared to the gutter class of urban dweller.

People never give you a chance to be you in a social setting.

If you're mixed, or a black person raised East of Interstate 25, which runs north and south through Colorado, never move to the South or you'll be socially miserable and won't fit in no where, unless already married and or working some high up career orientated social job where you're around college educated people in office setting or business setting.

Whites will always think you're hood, and stupid, and the South East blacks will always think you're proper and square, and neither side will embrace you.

Why is it, certain racist are attracted to what I have to say, how I reason, even though I myself am not 'white'?

Although I was raised not far from Hayden Lake Idaho and other militia minded types, I'm not 'white' in color or shade.

But am able to calm certain of them with how I reason.

Not here, no such back and forth dialogue takes place, but other places on the web.

This thought here, this post, may eventually spawn out into a whole new section or blog or forum, just not sure yet.

I just notice people, regardless of whom they are, first and foremost want you to acknowledge their hurt, fears, and pain before you can move onto anything else.

My thing is, aside from guns, gun laws ect...my thing is, that no one else is thinking about is,

If God is alive, good, active and well, why would such a deity allow someone to walk in and shoot people who are worshipping him or it?

That really makes no sense.

I mean are we, as humans, worshipping 'nothing'?

Just imagining that there's a divine God that we've assigned all these favorable traits to?

I mean if God can't protect you in church, of all places, than what's the point?

Today was a real reality based type of day

Today was one of those days, for me, where the body just felt very small, I felt small, I felt like a spec amongst other specs, very insignificant to the over all importance of anything.

Today was one of those days where I realized without machines and mechanized industry, half the population would be dead, wouldn't be mobile, able to fend for self and so forth.

The convience of mechanized technology keeps millions a live longer than would have lived just 80 years ago.

But it's also why families were a lot more important 80 years ago, 100 years ago, cause outside of family you had no one to take care of you.

Gays would not of really wanted to get married back 150 years ago, unless filthy rich and could hire servants to take care of them when older.

Back in the day, family was the survival mechanism that kept folks alive and safe.

Family was the welfare, the food stamps, the Medicaid and everything else combined.

Then the Government stepped in, and ever since family, marriage, relationships have taken on lesser and lesser meaning, and more of a recreational meaning today.

The Native American populations never exploded like current European, modern times populations in this land.



Their population never exploded into the millions, cause there was no Central Indian Government welfare, and tribes had to take care of self.

If you were sick, you simply died, there wasn't a medical industry to artificially keep you alive for another 10 years while sucking away all your money.

It's hard for me to believe now that 'God' would have wanted or favored European conquest over the native Americans lifestyle, as many Euro's who buy into that 'Divine destiny' mindset have been taught to believe since settling new land.

The Indians, native Americans, didn't pollute the water, the land, didn't invent toxic bio chemicals, didn't invent radio active substances which will forever poison the world now.

They, the Indians didn't charge outlandish 'rent' or land fees to live off of the Earth.

To me, what I see going on today seems far more Satanic, out of line, than how the Indians were living.



I mean to me, what an ugly contrast to what indigenous people had.

Yes, technology has made all of our lives more easier, convient, but at what cost?

To the average person on the street who's poor and near broke, none of it really means a thing.

Industry, Oil and power I guess only matter to those lucky families who are able to capitalize on it, not through own labor, but through 'Ownership' of profits streaming in.

To own something that others labor for to make great, must be a wonderful thing.

But today was a reality based day for a average Joe or Jane type of person to me.

Go to work near broke, labor all day around fellow zombies, then come home near broke, just to do it all again on Monday.