Your inner self

My inner self is many



And one of my biggest burdens in life is that others cannot, absolutely cannot see that, all they see is one thing all of the time, and it's only through 'art' am I able to demonstrate how much more to me there is than what some clud head sees of me while in public.

(But maybe that clud head, is like me, in that maybe there's more to them as well)

There are people out there so much more talented than myself, so much more gifted, and or in a place to succeed, yet don't...and that frustrates me.

So many I could have elevated to very high places.

My ideas are so strong, but no takers, cause I"m not dialed into the right channels.

I could take a model and elevate them, be they male or female, but in a marketable way, clean way, so many beautiful people I've seen in the past, just to watch their beauty fade away and they did nothing with it other than hang around 'friends' who kept them down, or got them addicted to this or that.

I guess it saddens me that all my gifts, talents and ideas will to go to waste, while those with 'none' or litter creative flare in them propelled to lofty spots.

And reaching out on social media these days is precarious, cause there's so many rotten people out there who get the wrong idea about 'you'.

For instance if I say I'm looking for a 'model' and post that on craigslist here's who responds..

1. Street walkers who think I'm using 'code language'.

2. Cops, who think I'm a pimp and there for try to set you up with false information and false identities hoping to snare you.

3. Bots, as in automated responses.

And that's about it.

You no longer get real, organic, regular average people who just want to explore other avenues in life beyond their 9-5 grey scale.

All you seem to get on social media now are cops and or robbers and or bots.

I should probably join some local theatrical club or something, but with the 'C' virus, even that's hard to do now do to social distancing.

I'm use to being alone, but times like this make things even more lonely, and is why I just fade within self in order to get by.

And on top of that google and other search engines bury average peoples sites, so we 'miss' each other and instead always directed to gigantic 'box sites' that are generic and bland and only want to sell you stuff like a mindless souless consumer.

Life is about relationships, not just buying stuff all the time.

Oh well, at least I have another day off, which means more time to create stuff in order to provide that balance real life is not giving me at the moment.

The problem is when others are 'bad', than they always think you're bad, does that make sense.

In other wards here's the logic

'If I were them I know I'd do this'

But the reality is 'They're' not me, and no, I don't do that.

And it's that little 'bridge' of misundertanding that creates the widest gulfs ever.

So so sad.

Don't ever confuse me with your own inner ugliness please, just don't.

Hell, If I were dirty, I could practically be a millionaire over night, instead of messing around on here wasting profound thoughts on 'nothing'.

If I were without values or morals, I could exploit the hell out of people, promise stuff, do this and that...but I don't!

And I get sick the hell tired of sickos out there who'd even think I'd go that way.

Be they cops or your average scum bag in the back alley.

I walk a straight line, and if you can't see that by now than it's you who are demented.

I think conservatives get it wrong.

I mean is your inner self you, which is spirit, or is your inner self only your body, as in guts and blood and organs?

How can people who claim to believe in god or a spirit realm, so then tie 'you' to only being what your gender is?

I think your spirit can be whatever it wants to be, regardless your gender.

I'm pretty much out of food and time



I'm pretty much out of food, time and luck.

Life, for most of us, just sucks.
We have moments, maybe even seasons of blissfulness that are surrounded by bad weather, doom and gloom.

For a while there, we think we're all special, unique, but then life circumstances tells us otherwise.
Just depends on fate, I suppose.
If fate is on your side, than you cannot lose, but if fate is against you, forget about it.

Anyways, time is catching me.

I hate time, I hate the future, I hate tomorrow, I hate next week.
I wish I had something, someone, stronger than myself to lean on.

If life is just about survival, that is paying rent and paying bills, your spirit will die long before your body does.